Making the Connection – Creating Genuine Bonds in Short Interactions
Date: October 17, 2012

Handshake Networking Handshake MeetingEveryone knows the phenomenon - you go to the trade show or the big industry meeting, you get acquainted with a dozen or a hundred new contacts, you go home - and suddenly you realize that you have absolutely no real bond with the people you just "added" to your network. Was it John from Toledo who thought the new product line was going to turn his business around? No, that was Terry from Jonesville. Wait, Terry wasn't from Jonesville, Bob Jones was from…wait, was Bob Jones the one with the funky ties, or the one who always got a chicken salad sandwich at lunch? You have no idea, because you didn't really connect with these people - you met them, you duly memorized a couple of facts (maybe), you put them in your Smartphone or your contact list, but a genuine human connection? Nope.

This isn't a sign that you're a terrible human being or a bad networker. Superficial contacts are not organic to the way our brains process social interaction; someone we see only at a distance or fleetingly or intermittently might be marked by your brain's social networking software as a friend, but in reality they're just a slightly more interactive part of the landscape.

However, it doesn't have to be that way. Your meeting contacts and conference buddies can be developed into full-fledged acquaintanceship or friendship, with deep and meaningful bonds. All it takes is a few easy changes to the way you form these new relationships.
 
1. Leave Sales Out Of It
Do you remember the last salesman you met who put the bite on you thirty seconds or less after shaking your hand for the first time? Sure you do…but as "that jerk", not as a trusted partner. Leave the sales pitch completely out of the relationship you're trying to start. There's time for that later. Even if it's highly relevant, don't push your company's product in any way, shape, or form.
 
2. Ask for Help, and Say Thanks
Find something that your new contact is an expert in, and where your skills are relatively weak. Flat-out ask for a quick tutorial, or an explanation of a tricky concept, or even a lecture on how the darn thing works. Learn what they are teaching you (don't waste their time!), express your delight at having expanded your horizon, and give them genuine thanks for their aid. Congratulations - your mentor is never going to forget you. People who make us feel important or knowledgeable go right to the inner circle in our social software - that guy is OK.
 
3. Build a Reputation, Not a Distribution List
Some people focus so much on adding those contacts, they forget that the people they're networking with have their own judgment - and nobody likes Hyper-networking Harry, with his business card scanner and his diatribes about which CRM software gives the best sales path and his constant pushiness to get people - any people - onto his list. Forget the list. Instead, fret over what your reputation is in the community where you're networking. If people know you as a steadfast ally, an honest broker, a decent person - guess what, they're going to want to be in your network. Your distro lists will build themselves, from volunteers who approach you to beg to be added.
 
4. Give Knowledge Away
Don't become pedantic or start hectoring people, but whatever YOUR special knowledge or skill set is, when it's relevant to the conversation, be generous with it. Of course I'll show you how to set up that Excel macro. Of course I will listen to your elevator pitch and give you feedback. Of course I'll…don't "of course" yourself into time bankruptcy, but wherever and whenever it is possible to be a mentor or teacher, seize the opportunity with both hands.
 
5. Assess Relevance, Not Importance
"I really need to make a connection with Bill. He is on the team that picks the site for next year's conference. If I get him into my inner circle, it's money time." Guess what? Even if you get Bill in your circle, money time is going to elude you - because Bill can see right through your naked self-interest in his friendship. Don't worry about what person X can do for you - worry about whether what you can offer is something that person X could benefit from. "I bet this would be of use to you" is about 1000% more interesting to hear than "You know what you could do for me is…"
 
There are no Jedi mind tricks, no ways to use linguistic programming or pop psychology to enslave your fellow meeting attendees into your private cabal. But being good communicator, clearly acting for the good of the people around you, and doing your best to be a good friend are the exact traits that will attract quality people to you.
 
Categories: promotion, handshakes, tactics, networking, lists, customer
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What Does Your Handshake Say to Others?
By: Frank J. Bernieria and Kristen N. Petty
Date: May 17, 2011

Frank J. Bernieria  and Kristen N. Petty, both of Oregon State University, examined whether handshakes improved the impressions we form. Much about a personality can be gleaned via a handshake, rather than attaching assumptions with types of handshakes (e.g., limp, strong, weak, etc.).Handshakes are interpersonal behaviors that require motivation and practice to perform well. In other words, be aware of the impact of your handshake. Both female and male participants rated the personality of five, same-gender targets after each had introduced herself or himself. Half of the targets offered and shook hands with the participant as part of the introduction, half did not. Extroverted people were most accurately identified, regardless of handshake condition. Handshaking influenced the impression accuracy of conscientiousness, especially between men, which may explain the importance business professionals place on face-to-face interviews. "The ubiquitous handshake may not be as ritualized or as precise as the Japanese tea ceremony," the authors said.. "But it certainly requires some knowledge of the prevailing social norms and some interpersonal coordination." Read the whole study here:bit.ly/l07gNd

Categories: handshakes
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